Hi friends. It’s that time of year when my mom makes me sit down and write my New Year’s Resolutions. She’s written affirmations this year; you know, all the things she wants to create in her life. I wanted to do affirmations, such as “This year I’ll be surrounded by a never ending supply of treats,” but I’m not quite ready for that since I allegedly have some slight behavior modification to do first. I don’t know why everyone else can’t modify their behavior according to what I want. Oh right – mom said that’s obnoxious.
So I’ve thought about it quite a bit last week and here are my Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions for 2013:
10. I resolve to differentiate between my toys and mom’s toys and not chew on the expensive things like her cell phone, computer equipment, remote controls, flash drives, DVDs and tables. Yep, I said tables.
9. I resolve to play with other kids at the park and not be a mama’s boy and sit next to her under the picnic table. I can’t help it if I like hanging with the adults better than the weird kids who fetch sticks. What a waste of time and energy and all that running just to end up in the same place.
8. I resolve not to jump onto the refrigerator shelf and pull things out every time mom opens the door. And I resolve not to stand on my hind legs and pull food off the counters and other stuff off the coffee table. It’s always a surprise to see what my paw can find. Mom was not happy with me when her mother’s Limoges bowl went crashing to the ground. That was a bad night.
7. I resolve not to get revenge on mom by pulling all of her important papers off the desk and then peeing on them when she goes out without me. Why do I care? It’s not like I have to clean it up or take them to my meetings.
6. I resolve not to cry, snort or complain when mom brushes my teeth. It’s for my own good really. The ladies like boys with chicken flavored toothpaste breath.
5. I resolve not to sniff every blade of grass on the block when it’s cold, snowy or 99 degrees with a zillion percent humidity.
4. I resolve to sit quietly buckled onto on my zip line in the back seat of the car and not cry constantly or jump up and smack mom in the head while she’s driving. And if she goes through a drive-thru, I resolve not to stick my big pug head into the bag and steal her french fries.
3. I resolve not to play topple the trash cans onto the floor and pull all the garbage out. And if I do, I resolve to clean it up. (That’s so not going to happen.)
2. I resolve not to act tough in front of our mailman, especially since he sometimes brings me mail. What’s a few ankle bites between friends anyway?
……….and my #1 New Year’s Resolution for 2013:
1. I resolve to love my mommy unconditionally (even when she’s too busy to give me belly rubs) and give her lots of snuggles, hugs and kisses when I’m not running across her face to wake her up in the morning or diving onto her from the top of the sofa when she’s reading or watching TV.
Feel free to send me your resolutions if you want. I’d like to see them.