Pony Scurriers….and Most of Mom’s Stuff….Overboard

Hey friends. It’s me Pugsley again and I’m not at all a happy pug. Cousin Sammy was visiting from Seattle and she and mom went to the Devon Horse Show last night. I was going to go with them to watch the events and eat a funnel cake until I went online and saw that there were no pony rides for us kids. HOW CAN THERE BE NO PONY RIDES AT A HORSE SHOW? It’s just not right….so I boycotted. And besides, Cousin Sammy was the first to tell me that I had divergent strabismus – that’s the opposite of cross-eyed when your eyeballs veer off in opposite directions away from your nose. I’ve been self-conscious ever since, which is why you see me wearing my Doggles a lot. I love her, but I don’t need more angst. She might notice that I’m bow-legged and tell mom to get me corrective pawwear.

Last night was the jumping and coaching events, which looks elegant in the photos, but not very practical even if you were titled in 19th century England. I’ll keep our car thank you very much. I like getting to the pet store a few miles away in less than a week.

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Then they saw the pony scurry event.

Some of the ponies were so tiny and cute like the ones below.

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Hahahahaha.....this little guy has legs like mine

Hahahahaha…..this little guy has legs like mine. He REALLY had to scurry to get anywhere.

Others were huge and were drawing very tall carriages. One pony scurried so sharply to hit the next hazard that the carriage and riders toppled. Mom said she could see it happening in slow motion and there wasn’t a darn thing anyone could do about it except hope that the riders weren’t crushed under the carriage and that the pony didn’t get hurt. Luckily everyone was fine. That wouldn’t have happened if I was riding the pony. I’m just saying……

Look at the little ponies lined up with the big ones. That’s really not fair because there’s no way the little ones can beat the time of the big ones. They have to take three steps for every one of the big pony’s. What kind of category is this anyway?

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Mom got home really late last night and I was bored out of my mind while she was out. I didn’t climb any walls or create more art, but let’s just say I’m in the dog house.

While mom was out I pulled paperwork off of the dining room table. So what if it was neatly filed and in project racks? I also tossed some bookends and books off the table; a container of toothpicks off the kitchen counter (I wanted to play Pick Up Sticks); the towels and the pig potholder off the towel holders in the kitchen; more paperwork in the small “waiting to be filed” bin that I moved across the floor and kicked onto its side (it was like a piñata); all the papers in the large bin that is twice my size and used to contain my food until I figured out how to get it open and binge eat; and too many other things to list. Mom went out yesterday morning and bought new pillows. They weren’t even out of the plastic yet, but they looked so big and fluffy so I broke them in with a little tinkle. It wasn’t so funny when my nose was smushed into the pillow and I got a lecture.  I guess the worst thing were the vertical blinds. I didn’t mean to pull them down and break them. I just wanted to look outside at all my neighbors barbequing. It smelled sooooooo good!  I don’t see why mom has to replace the whole window treatment. I think the raggedy edges add character.

Boy did I get in trouble. Even so, mom says you should never go to bed angry so she kissed me goodnight and tucked me into bed. I think I heard her sobbing into her old, but clean pillow and talking to God. I heard some mumbling about doing something evil in a previous life, but I didn’t understand what that meant. I was so upset and couldn’t sleep. My tummy hurt because mom was so angry with me and I hurled on the floor about 3 am. As if things weren’t bad enough, I woke up mom. I just can’t help it. I have separation anxiety!

This morning I walked by the computer and mom was on the FEMA website looking to see if we qualify for federal funding. There were all kinds of disaster categories, but none for neurotic pugs. Tio Jonathan, what’s a neurosis and how did I get it?

Mom’s been sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, deep cleaning, spraying, drying out the papers with the yellow stains on them (I don’t know how they got there), copying the important ones and throwing out the tattered remains of the rest. I would help, but it’s probably best to stay out of her way.

I guess I should have gone to the horse show, huh?

Please bake me a doggie cake with a file in it for when mom confines me to doggie prison. I may be there a while. Apparently moms decide whether or not you get a jury trial.

Love,  Pugsley

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This Memorial Day………..

I offer a prayer to all of our servicemen, women, equines and canines, past and present, and my thanks for securing the freedoms that I enjoy today. I pray for an end to war……especially when it’s used as an economic development tool……and a call to everyone to separate the warrior from the war and our country from the government. No, they are not the same.

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I was half right when I wrote that mom would dress me up and stick flags in my ears. Mom adorned me with a very patriotic bow and a really cool red, white and blue glow stick necklace. We’re not sure why the white stick came out yellow in the photo. I didn’t piddle on it if that’s what you’re thinking. And thankfully the flags are in the garden and not in any of my orifices.

The latest in patriotic pug-wear

   The latest in patriotic pug-wear

Here I am glowing

                Here I am glowing

Mom and I went out earlier today and it made my heart happy to see so many houses flying flags.

Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing today, please offer your gratitude and honor for our country’s finest.

God Bless America, Pugsley

Call Me Pugcasso

Hey friends…….what’s shaking?

After I posted my art masterpiece, my Tio Jonathan wrote the following to me. I was going to post it in the comment section, but I want you all to see it because it confused me a little.

“I just knew Pugcasso that my boy was an artist.  Not only are you intelligent and employ the left side of your brain….you come from the right side of the cortex.”

What’s a cortex? Do I have two brains? I must have two brains, which is why I’m so smart…..well, except for that incident yesterday when I was running around at full speed and slammed into the screen door because I thought it was open. I think I smushed both brains.

And I was totally wrong about mom being angry that I drew on the wall. She loved my artwork. I want a beret like all the famous artists. I like being called Pugcasso, but I think my work is less cubism and more pawism.

In other news, mom opened my pool in time for Memorial Day weekend. I’m so excited. I hope it’s hot enough to swim. I may invite my neighbors to swim with me. Tucker lives a few houses away. Tori just moved in next door and she flirts with me all the time. Milo can’t come because he pees everywhere and I can’t be bothered checking chlorine levels. If I invite Tianna to my pool, Tori will probably get a tude and make my life hell. What to do, what to do? Maybe I’ll just hang out with mom and avoid any love triangles. Who needs that kind of stress anyway?

Speaking of Memorial Day, I wonder what kind of outfit mom has in store for me. You know she doesn’t miss any opportunity to parade me around the hood. Sigh….I can see it now….I’ll probably have flags sticking out of my ears to match the ones mom will put on the lawn to remember all of our military heroes.

Oh – and now speaking of heroes…..the City came out and painted my bathroom. It’s all shiny and orange and a beacon at the end of my street. And as you can see, it works well. Thanks Mayor Nutter!!! By the way, what ever happened to my playdate with Happy?

Testing 1, 2, 3, testing.....

Testing 1, 2, 3, testing…..

Well, it’s way past my bedtime and I need my beauty sleep. Stay tuned for more news as it breaks.

Love, Pugsley

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Does This Make Me A Muralist?

You’ve heard the phrase, “I’m so bored I’m climbing the walls,” right?

How was I supposed to know that’s just an expression and I shouldn’t actually do it?

And more importantly, how did my feet get so dirty? Wow – now that I look closely, my toes are perfect, aren’t they?

I gotta clean up before mom gets home. It’s not good to leave evidence in plain sight. I’m not sure what to do about the scratches. Darn, there’s no time to paint. Maybe mom won’t notice them. Yeah right – she’s like CSI; she notices everything.

What the heck, I’ll be proactive and give myself a timeout. I’ll be a good son and save mom the trouble.

Hugs & Pugs, Pugsley

Wall art was created by a trained professional. Do not try this at home.

Wall art was created by a trained professional. Do not try this at home!

If You’re Happy and You Know It Clap Your Paws

Hey peeps. I told you I’d report in after my checkup. My doctor gave me a great report and a star.

When mom and I arrived, there was a little girl named Chloe sitting on her dad’s lap (not the same Chloe from my last visit). She was bald and her arms were the color of the Phillies’ logo and all scaly and sore. She had a full muzzle on her and kind of looked like Hanibal Lecter. I didn’t take her picture because it was terribly sad. She had allergies and bit and scratched herself raw. I hope the doctor gave her something for it. She scared me a little so I took my position under the chair just like I told you I would. Those brown things are mom’s legs. I peeked out every so often to see if I was missing anything important. (And just so you know, mom had to bend over and take the picture upside down. My mom can do everything!)

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When the nurse came to get me, I dug my butt and hind legs into the floor. When she pulled on my leash, they wore grooves across the floor all the way to the exam room. I hope they don’t charge me to fix that.

It’s the same thing every time; fingers in my mouth……….

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Fingers up my butt……….

REALLY? You didn’t think I would post a picture of that, did you? This blog is a doggie porn-free site! Shame on you!.

And I had just met the new technician named Adrienne. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT I DON’T PUT OUT ON A FIRST DATE????? Sheesh. It’s a curse being this handsome.

My doctor said I look wonderful and I’m a happy and healthy kid. I lost 6 lbs. since last year. All my tests were negative and my labs were normal. I didn’t know what the doctor meant because I don’t have any pets. If I did, I like the chocolate labs best and would have some of those. I wonder if they really taste like chocolate. That’s probably just a myth. But what if it’s not???

Well that’s all the news from Lake Wobegon. Until next time….

Love, Pugsley

April Showers Bring May Flowers

I love flowers! They smell good and look so pretty. That’s why I got mom the best flower of all for Mother’s Day…..a puganthemum. Well, maybe it looks more like a pugdaisy. No matter….mom will love it.

I’m so lucky that I have such great friends. I didn’t know how I was going to get mom her Mother’s Day cards. If I asked her to drive me to the store it would have ruined the surprise. Aunt Lisette, Tia Shari and Tio Jonathan hooked me up and sent mom cards from me. She was soooooo happy when they arrived. So was I. Still am! It’s not easy being a single mom and as you all know, I’m a lot to handle. Thank you for thinking of mom and me!

Today’s going to be a snuggle day so I want to start early.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!

Love, Pugsley

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They Want a WHAT?

Hey everyone. Talk about conundrums. Wait until you hear this one. I received a postcard from my doctor’s office because I’m due for my yearly checkup. I made my appointment for tomorrow. Then I looked again and the card said to bring a stool. How many patients are they expecting? They shouldn’t schedule so many kids at one time if there aren’t enough places to sit. And what kind of stool do they want; a small wooden one or a bar stool? Truth be told, I usually sit under one of their chairs and stick my head between mom’s legs because it can be scary when the big kids with huge teeth are there. I’m just fine on the floor. Really I am. And besides, I didn’t ask mom if she could drive me. It’s very inconsiderate to ask little kids to bring their own seats. I’m not schlepping a stool on the bus.

Moooooommmmmm, can you come here for a second please?

Can you drive me to the doctor tomorrow afternoon? I have to bring my own stool because they don’t have enough places to sit. Can I borrow the step stool? That would work, right?

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Huh? They want a sample? So they’re redecorating and want ideas?

Whaaaaaat? What kind of stool do they mean? Uh uh…….carrying that around is YOUR department. I hope you can drive me because I definitely won’t be allowed on the bus with that!

The doctors should be more specific about what they want, don’t you think? I’m glad my mom is so smart. At least I don’t have to wee wee in a cup too. That’s difficult when you don’t have thumbs.

Now that that’s straightened out, I’ll report in after my checkup. I hope they give me a cool bandage after they draw my blood. The last time I got a camouflage bandage. It will match my camouflage kicks that mom bought me. No wait………

Mooooooommmmmmmm…………………

Love, Pugsley