Hi friends. In honor of Labor Day, here’s a tip…..Never work for family!

Lately, I’ve noticed some scope creep. My boss is involved in so many volunteer activities and the tasks are somehow falling to me. I went to a meeting the other day and was asked to edit articles for the League of Women Voters‘ newsletter. I thought I was being treated to lunch out of the office, not going to work in a different office. I don’t mind being an executive on loan, but it’s nice to be asked first.

Here I am reading the outline of articles with my boss’s co-editor, Aunt Marita. I saw an email that asked me to write a few articles. I’M NOT EVEN A MEMBER OF THE LEAGUE!!!! I want an Assistant Editor credit on the newsletter!

Then Aunt Marita took me around the yard so that I could water the flowers to keep the rabbits away. After lunch, I decided to be proactive and water the white drapes in the living room to keep the rabbits from coming inside the house. I got docked my afternoon treats. Apparently initiative is not appreciated.

And the PA Leader Team from Vets Journey Home keeps requesting that I take minutes during their conference calls. If I’m going to have to attend all these meetings, when am I going to get my real work done? You know, important things like napping, snacking, playing?

I thought I was helping by bringing in and opening the mail. My boss received a package the other day and I opened it while she was out at a meeting. I got docked again because the contents got misplaced. What can I say; those styrofoam peanuts, while completely not environmentally friendly, were fun to play with.

At home I’m being asked to do more and more household chores like dust, vacuum and mop when I shed on the floor and not nest in the pile of folded warm towels after they come out of the dryer. I can’t keep up with all these rules.

Being Labor Day, I called a representative from the Domesticated Animals in the Workforce Guild (D.A.W.G.). Duke said that the lines get all blurry when you work for your mom and once you do a few assignments well, the list grows and grows and more of her responsibilities inevitably become mine. Example: Cleaning up after me is mom’s responsibility as my mom not my boss and furthermore, I’m not supposed to carry around my own baggies. Duke thinks that’s an OSHA violation. Most importantly, if I have Direct Deposit for my paycheck, I should look at the stubs to make sure my pay is correct. Whaaaaaaaat? I’m supposed to get a paycheck? I’ve been working for treats. Ohhhhhh, my boss and I are going to have a talk about this.

So Duke told me that since I’m the only employee, it may not be beneficial to unionize. Nevertheless, he gave me a list of workplace demands to present to management. Here they are:

1. My start time is 9 am. Anything before that is sleeping and breakfast time.

2. I get a 30 minute break at 10:30 so that I can meet Jimmy, our mailman, and bark at him for a few minutes.

3. I’ll do the scheduling from 11 am – 11:30 am and then go outside until lunch time to see if my neighbors want to play.

4. My lunch break is noon – 1 pm during which time I can do whatever I want, including blog, watch TV or play with my toys.

5. 1 pm – 3 pm is siesta time. I’ll be in my bed with the Do Not Disturb sign visible.

6. At 3 pm I’ll go for a walk to clear my head and wake up for the home stretch.

7. From 3:30 pm – 4 pm I’ll do the filing.

8. I get my afternoon break from 4 pm – 4:30 pm.

9. I need some time to clean off my desk and prepare for the next day so that will get done from 4:30 pm until 5 pm.

10. Quitting time is 5 pm. Any assignments that can’t wait until the next day will require overtime at a treat and a half…….or time and a half when I start getting a real paycheck.

Note: I just checked with my boss. She’s deducting all the office equipment I’ve broken from my pay. I should break even in 38 years.

Then the rep talked to me about my vacation time.

Whaaaaat? I’m supposed to get vacations too?

I want a month off in summer to go to camp. No more of this two days here and there stuff. I want a week at Camp Bender, a week at Sacred Journeys to connect with my spiritual self, a week with mom away from the office and a week in reserve to see what arises. And I want winter vacations too to go snowmobiling (Thanks Aunt Karen for my new snow boots!) and then to an island to get away from the cold weather.

I’ll take another few weeks off – to be determined depending upon the season.

Well what do you know…..

I submitted my list of workplace demands and the next thing I knew my boss took me to the spa. I had a shampoo, massage and blowout, a mani/pedi (maybe it was a pedi/pedi), and I got my ears cleaned and rubbed. Then I got all tied up with a nice blue bow. My boss even bought me a new squeaky toy. We especially checked the labels because I’m very rough with my toys. Here’s the label and here I am squeaking my new alligator. It lasted about a minute and a half until I killed the squeaker. I guess this is what they mean by false advertising.

Oh well, at least management is trying….

I’ll keep you posted!

Love, Pugsley