Hi friends. I promised that I would share the details of our doctor visit.

We all piled into the car and by the time we got to the doctor’s office, my eyes were glazed over and my head was spinning like a top on Crack.

Everybody was stepping on, hitting, biting or fighting with their brothers and sister. I’m so glad I’m an only child!

I got a great checkup. Dr. Bianco, the owner and director of the Ardmore Animal Hospital said I’m sweet, funny, healthy, smart (a genius really), devastatingly handsome and he would love it if I would work at the hospital part-time as a greeter. Giggle snort I’m just kidding; he didn’t say all that. But I know he was thinking it!

The chicks read the sign in the waiting room and breathed a sigh of relief:

While we were waiting for my test results, the kids got a little bored.

              Didn’t I tell you not to perch on the equipment?

FALL IN!

ATTENTION!

Chick N. Dance: “Uh-oh! I think we’re in trouble.”

Chick N. Noodle: “You think?”

Chirp: “Gulp! I hope we don’t become Fricassee.”

Chick E. Cheese: “I’m already grounded for forgetting to bring my sample.”

Chick N. Dance: “We could make a run for it.”

Chick N. Noodle: “I don’t know. We’ll have to cross the road.”

Pugsley Jr.: “I won’t even dignify that with a response.”

As I was saying, Dr. Bianco said my eyes, ears and teeth look good. Thanks mom for brushing my chiclets and cleaning my ears even though I don’t make it easy for you.

I said chiclets, not chicklets…….

My skin is nice and smooth and my coat is shiny. My heart and lungs are strong and clear. (I take my vitamins and Omega oil.) I like Dr. Bianco. The last time I went for a checkup, the other doctor stuck a finger in my butt. Some doctors get so personal and they don’t even buy you dinner first.

You can hear my heart, right Doctor B.? May I listen? What does it sound like? By the way, do you have an extra stethoscope I could have for my nurse’s kit?

My blood tests all came back negative and I’m so cool that I didn’t even need a bandage where they drew my blood. I got an A+ in clotting. And my weight is exactly the same as it was on my last visit. I’ll bet it’s because of my new food.

My mom switched me to grain-free food. That makes me a special eater, like the gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, taste-free vegetablearians! When I go to the Shaking Medicine weekend in July, I’ll be able to get in the front of the line and eat first.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE……….I’ll bet mom planned this so that she could eat off my plate. She’s so Machiavellian.

Just as everything was going along rather smoothly, Dr. Bianco gave me 35 shots.

DO I LOOK LIKE A PIN CUSHION DR. B.?

Pugsley, you got 4 shots.

Well it felt like 35 mom.

Guess what everybody…..there was another kid in the office who was there because he ate chocolate. I’m not the only one who does that, although I might be the only one who hatched baby chicks. I guess he didn’t eat chocolate eggs like I did. Quick, Chirp call the Guinness people.

If chocolate is so bad for us, why does it taste so good?

What mom? You’ve been asking that question for years? Doesn’t anyone have an answer? Quick, Chick N. Noodle get me Hershey on the phone.

It’s good to finally have a staff.

After the exam, Dr. Bianco gave me a cookie. I guess he didn’t know that Colleen had already given me one. I’m glad she weighed me before I ate my snacks.

Mom paid my bill….that reminds me mom…..are my chicks covered under my insurance plan or do they have to sign up for Obama Care?

When we got back home, my mom gave me a present. I thought it was because I had gotten such a good report from the doctor. It wasn’t; it was a present from my Tio Jonathan.

It says, “Hello, My name is STUD.”

I blushed a little. I can’t wait until the ladies see me in it. I hope my cell phone has enough minutes to handle all the calls I’m going to get. I’ll have Chirp be my receptionist. I definitely shouldn’t answer my own phone anymore.

Personnel:

1. Receptionist

2. Gatekeeper

3. Bodyguard

4. Personal Assistant

5. Communications Director

Hey mom, how many cubicles and work stations can we set up in the living room? Mom? You’re ignoring me again mom. And we’ll need a break room with snacks and water. Mom? I’m talking to you mom!

Some things never change.

Pugs & Kisses, Pugsley

I was so busy yesterday. My chicks arrived on schedule. They’re cute as buttons. See for yourselves.

There’s Chick N. Noodle, Chirp, Chick E. Cheese, Chick N. Dance and Pugsley Jr. They love to climb on me. Pugsley Jr. likes to peck at my head. He’s going to be a pawful. I can tell already.

What mom? What does “pot meet kettle” mean?

I hate it when my mom talks in riddles!

I know it looks like I’m eating Chick N. Noodle, but I’m just starting to get the hang of this grooming thing.

I’m sleep deprived already so I’ll write more soon. These kids are wearing me out. I’m not a natural herder you know and they get into EVERYTHING!

Tonight we all went to the doctor for our checkups. Those details will have to wait for another day. I’ll just say this: It was the longest car trip of my life. I came home and wrote, “I will never again eat mom’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs so that I grow chickies in my tummy” 100 times. Be forewarned kids.

Love, Pugsley

I usually don’t write again so soon after a post, but I just had to tell you this story AND I had to wait until my mom was sleeping so that she won’t know I’m telling you.

Mom was eating some candy the other morning and her temporary tooth fell out. Wait – that’s not the funny part. She chewed it. That’s not the funny part either.

So there’s mom wearing her suit, outline in-hand on her way to meet with her business mentor and she was looking like Elly May Clampett with a great big hole in her mouth. ROFL hahahahahahahaha snort  hahahahahahahaha gasp hahahaha     <CLUNK>.

I keep doing that. Hold on a minute…….I must have fallen out of my chair laughing a dozen times so far.

Does anybody have a leftover scarecrow from Halloween for my mom to chew? Hahahahahahahahahahaha……….she’s such a hayseed………..hahahahahahahahaha………..oh my sides hurt.

I gotta go before I wake Elly May. She’ll hear me laughing and you know what will happen if she finds me on the computer.  It’s just so funny that an hour before she had an uber-important meeting about her future, she chewed up her tooth. It’s a good thing it wasn’t a lunch meeting hahahahahahahahaha………

Are tears streaming down your faces too?

Don’t let me forget to call the American Dental Association tomorrow and tell them it’s true – candy really does make your teeth fall out.

HA HA HA HA HA HA snort HA HA HA HA HA      <CLUNK>

That’s 13 times………….

Love, Pugsley

Helloooooo everyone. Some of my lady fans (and you know who you are) have sent me messages saying that I have been lax in my communication. I apologize! I had some serious physiological and psychological issues that needed my attention. I can now announce what’s going on:

I’M GONNA BE A MOMMY!!!!

You read that right. Sir Pugsley, the boy wonder, stud muffin that I am is gonna be a mommy. It was a shock to me too.

Mom came home one day and found an empty snack size bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter eggs on the floor. (Mom really needs a new hiding place.) There were only a few itty bitty eggs left and mom wasn’t sure if I had eaten them because she didn’t see any wrappers on the floor. (More on that later.)

Mom was talking to Aunt Karen about it and she said that I had baby chicks growing in my tummy and I was going to lay my eggs for Easter.

BABY CHICKS? I DON’T KNOW NUTHIN ‘BOUT BIRTHIN NO BABY CHICKS!!!

Aunt Karen is a big health care executive so she knows what she’s talking about. So after my initial panic, I had to do my homework. Exactly how am I going to lay these eggs? Hello….it’s not like I have a womb. And how many baby chicks am I going to have and what do I do with them after they hatch? Do they have to sleep in my bed? Will I get FMLA leave? So many questions…..

While I was dealing with this trauma, I had to go on a business trip to Harrisburg. You all know that I’m the PA League of Women Voters Pawliamentarian and it was our board meeting weekend.

Ms. Susan, our 1st Vice President, made nameplates for everyone. I’m not sure why? Maybe she thought the ladies would forget their names. In any event, when we walked into the board room, guess who else had an official nameplate? That’s right – ME! I’m official now too. I had my own seat at the table and everything. Our accountant seemed puzzled when he walked in and looked around the table. I guess he’s not used to seeing boys at the meeting.

Here I am presiding over an important vote.

Who seconded that motion? Didn’t I ask you not to all speak at the same time?

The ladies got me so upset that my jacket fell off my shoulders. Since I couldn’t determine who it was who chimed in, I had to invoke Pugsley’s Rules. I went around the room to determine who would be the second on the motion. I started with One Potato, Two Potato and decided that it was taking too long so I switched to Eenie Meenie Miney Moe. When I got to Ms. Nancy, I noticed that she had a banana in her bag and I dove in.

Sigh…..of course my head got stuck. I thought the hotel concierge was going to have to call the paramedics to come with the Jaws of Life. We took an unscheduled break while mom and another board member extricated me from the bag. After that, I was banned from further snack breaks and just as someone put the Peeps on the table. I hate when that happens.

What was even worse was that when the meeting resumed, I was informed that I needed to use Robert’s Rules of Order.

WHO’S ROBERT? I DON’T KNOW ANY ROBERT?

This so-called Robert person wasn’t even at the meeting. When he presides, he can use his rules. When I’m in charge, we use Pugsley’s Rules!

The next morning, my mom went to breakfast first and when Aunt Marita arrived, she told mom that when she left the room I was working on opening the refrigerator door.

Everybody always tattles on me. I want my own room next time!

After the meeting ended, I prepared for my big date with Trixie. I dressed in my muscle shirt. I wanted to impress her with how ripped I am.

Mom drove me to Aunt Rae’s house to meet up with Trixie and my email buddy Pooky. They live in a camp called Hill.

Hey mom, why can’t we live in a camp like Trixie and Pooky?

Nevermind. They don’t live in a camp. That’s the name of their town.

To make a long story short, my date was a bust. Trixie was just not that into me. I know, right? How could that be possible? Maybe she was just playing hard to get. Well you know, sometimes when you play hard to get, you don’t get got. Whatever! Her brother Pooky and I hung out. We chased bunny rabbits and did boy stuff.

Aunt Rae took our picture. That’s Pooky next to me on his throne. Trixie was still playing hard to get and hid in the corner. It’s her loss, really.

Aunt Rae gave me a box of oatmeal treats that she buys for her kids at the farmer’s market. A few days after we got home, I broad jumped onto the dining room table and ate my treats. About 4:30 the next morning, those oats came pouring out of me from everywhere. OMG! I must have had the cleanest GI tracts in the county. Guess what else? Those Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg wrappers reappeared. Mom went through a roll of paper towels and lots of cleaning supplies. In my opinion, it would have been easier to just hose down the house.

I emailed Pooky and told him what happened. He said that I wasn’t supposed to eat the whole dozen at one time.

WHY DON’T COMPANIES PUT INSTRUCTIONS ON THE PACKAGES? THAT’S HOW I GOT INTO TROUBLE LAST TIME.

So I’ve been recovering from my upper and lower GI episode and preparing for the arrival of my chickies. I hope they look like me. Mom hopes they act like someone else….anybody else.

I’ll keep you posted!

Love, Pugsley