Guess Who’s Getting A Timeout?

Contrary to precedent and what you’re probably thinking, it’s not me!

Friends, let me tell you…..my mom is away at the US Army Heritage and Education Center in Carlisle, PA with her Vets Journey Home veterans and friends Robin Stauffer and Craig Williamson and videographer extraordinaire Mary Jude Szymanski. They’re conducting interviews and shooting video for Vets Journey Home – PA. MJ is donating her time and talent to help veterans heal the emotional wounds from their service. She’s awesome!!!!!

The one problem with this adventurous day is that MOM LEFT ME HOME ALONE!

She’s been gone at least a week so far. I’m fainting from hunger. I may have to eat the furniture soon!

I’ve been looking out the window yelling to passersby for help. I texted my neighbor Roscoe and asked him to bring me food. I don’t care that he eats cat food. Food is food! He didn’t respond. Maybe he’s on vacation.

Day 9

I’m bored. How much TV can I watch?

Mom keeps sending me emails and texts about her fun trip. That’s just mean!

Mr. Craig got a golf cart and drove them around the Army Heritage Trail. I would like to ride in a golf cart around the trail! Not that I was invited or anything.

The trail is a one-mile walking path of outdoor exhibits and markers on various eras in U.S. Army history.

There’s a replica American Revolutionary War redoubt from the 1781 Siege of Yorktown, cabins built to resemble those of French and Indian War and American Civil War encampments, several replica camp buildings from World War II, a Vietnam Firebase, (a temporary encampment to provide artillery fire support to infantry operating in areas beyond the normal range of fire support from their own base camps), a section of trenches from World War I with shell hole-marked no-man’s land, and a corresponding German pillbox. Why did the Germans wear such fancy hats? No wonder they lost the war. There are lots of tanks, cannons and a helicopter on the trail. If they flew in the helicopter I’m gonna be sooooo angry.

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Yorktown Redoubt No. 10

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  WWII M4 Sherman Tank

Example of a German Pillbox

Example of a German Pillbox

Vietnam Firebase

Vietnam Firebase

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UH-1 Iroquois “Huey” Helicopter

And here’s my Uncle Robin playing in the Guard House. It looks just like the one from Hogan’s Heroes. I wonder if he met Sgt. Schultz.

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Then mom sent me these photos. Mom and MJ went parachuting. It’s my understanding that they landed in the trees. Serves them right.

SMH at my mom

SMH at my mom

And they fired sniper rifles at virtual targets. Mom said the rifle was so darn heavy. She was no Leroy Jethro Gibbs. In fact, they both sucked hee hee. Yes, I used a bad word. I don’t care. Did I mention that I’m left home alone? I’m wasting away! I can hardly type I’m so hungry. I must have lost 10 lbs. already.

Day 15

Mom just texted again and said they were driving around the Carlisle Barracks, home of the U.S. Army War College. Mom better not enroll. I don’t have any intention of doing her homework.

Wait….another text just came in. Now they’re going to Pheasant Field, Uncle Robin’s Bed and Breakfast. I stayed there last year. It was so beautiful. So now I guess mom is spending another night away. I’m totally going to poop on her pillow. If only I had the strength to climb the stairs to the bedroom. I’m so weak……..

More photos…..Uncle Robin and Aunt Kit added chickens to the household since I was there. How mean is it that my mom is texting me pictures of food when I’m in my present state of decline? They collected the eggs. I like eggs. An omelet sounds yummy right about now. Oh look how cute the chickens are.

CLUCK

CLUCK

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Uncle Robin said that this girl keeps breaking out of the coop and wandering around the property. She must be looking for a rooster. They put an ankle bracelet around her leg to see if it was the same chicken who keeps getting out. It is so they named her House Arrest. Cackle. That’s funny.

House Arrest

House Arrest

Don’t play with the horses House Arrest. You won’t find a rooster boyfriend in the paddock.

The baby chickies are still under heat lamps because they don’t have many feathers yet. Uncle Robin said they got them as Peeps. I didn’t know that Peeps turned into real live chickies if you put them under heat lamps. I wonder what color they were. I’ll bet they were the purple ones. A purple marshmallow Peep would taste soooo good.

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Down the street from Pheasant Field are a few farms. Mom stopped to look at the lambies and this one ran over to her to say hello. Yum…lamb chops. ACK! Stop texting food pictures mom!!!!.

Baa

Baa

After visiting with Aunt Kit and my doggie friend Rehab, mom and MJ went to dinner with my Auntie Rae.

Dinner. Boy I wish someone would come and give me dinner. I think it must be a month now since I last had dinner. I hope everyone is enjoying their dinners. I’ll just be here chewing on my paws.

Day 33

I just ran my paw across the kitchen counter. Nothing! I ate some bran cereal a few weeks ago because the TV commercial said I needed more fiber in my diet. How was I to know it would explode out of my colon? So now there’s nothing on the counter for me to eat. Bah! Go easy on the bran kids. You don’t have to eat half a bag at one time. I wouldn’t want another kid to have bran flakes shoot out of his butt. Projectile bran remnants do not make for a fun day.

Hold on; someone just texted me.

NO I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!

If you’ve met me then you know I don’t have to create stories. This stuff really happens to me. Just ask my mom……if she ever comes home.

Mom and MJ saw my friend Trixie and met her new boyfriend who lives down the street. Trixie said I’m too big to be her boyfriend because she’s a little 8 lb. girl. This guy is twice my size. What gives Trixie?

Auntie Rae sent me a photo. Sure, mom leaves me alone and cheats on me with another kid AGAIN. I have to admit that he’s a very handsome fella. I didn’t know that when mom said they played with the tanks, she was talking about a dog. Tank is quite a fitting name for this guy. He’s built just like one.

Tank, that’s some underbite you’re sporting. Maybe that’s what attracts the ladies. I’ll have to ask my dentist to help me become a lady magnet. That’s if I ever make it out of here.

Tank

Day 37

Sigh…….I wonder if mom’s ever coming home. I just butt dialed Auntie Rae’s phone. I heard her speaking and she couldn’t hear me. My voice must be too faint by now.

Day 43

I hear someone at the door. Help! I’m in here.

It’s my mom. She finally decided to come home. Talk to the paw mom; talk to the paw.

Oh hello. You finally decided to come home after a month and a half.

A fun DAY? You ask if I had a fun DAY?

Why yes, I had a fun DAY. I had a hilarious 43 DAYS!

What’s that I hear? It’s my food dish. Yay dinner! Ummmm……I’ll freeze her out after I eat. Oh yippee – she wants to take me for a walk. Okay, I’ll freeze her out after my exercise.

We’re back.

Oh, I’m sorry mom. Am I not snuggly enough for you? Maybe it’s because I wasted away for 43 days while you were playing soldier with your friends.

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                                               Col. Mary Jude

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What’s a lower rank than Pvt. Mom?

One day? What do you mean you were only gone one day? Someone in this family can’t tell time and it’s not me. The last time you left for 3 days you tried to convince me you were only gone 20 minutes.

I have witnesses and they’ll back me up. Maybe you should go to Switzerland and ask them to teach you to tell time. They’re the best in the world for their precision and innovation with timepieces you know.

That’ll be at least a 6 month trip. I better stockpile food and water.

Until next time –

Love, Pugsley

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FBI Declares Animal Cruelty a Felony

Yippee! Thank you FBI and thank you to my personal pet psychic Alissa Wolf for posting this on her blog Critter Corner.

Critter Corner with Alissa Wolf

FBI-Animal-CruelyIn a development that animal welfare advocates and animal lovers in general applaud, the FBI recently announced that the bureau will now classify animal cruelty as a Class A felony, in the same league as homicide, arson and assault.

Extensive studies have indicated that many mass murderers, such as Jeffrey Dahmer and David “Son of Sam” Berkowitz, initially abused animals as children. Thus, the new classification will enable law enforcement officials and mental health counselors to keep better track of kids who show early signs of trouble, in an effort to help thwart any criminal activities on their parts later in life.

This will also enable the FBI to monitor animal abusers nationwide, and will help to strengthen individual state laws pertaining to this.

On the downside, the FBI won’t be bale to begin collecting related data until January of 2016, because it’s going to take some time to get…

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The Eaglets Have Hatched! The Eaglets Have Hatched!

Happy Birthday Eaglets!!!

The Eaglets are here and just in time for Easter!

Mom and I have been watching the eagles nest on Pennsylvania’s live Eagle Cam in Codorus State Park in Hanover. Here’s the video of them hatching.

I wonder if there was a webcam on me when I hatched. Mom, do you have video of me when I hatched? Was it a statewide event? Did the governor declare a state holiday? Were there fireworks? A parade?

Whaddya mean I didn’t hatch? Then how…..???

I am so old enough to have that discussion!

We’ve been watching the eaglets on and off since they arrived. Their mommy and daddy are taking such good care of them. You can watch them live on the Eagle Cam.

The little one must be our new quarterback. I wonder when he’ll get his uniform. I hope he’s ready in time for training camp.

Fly Eaglets Fly!

On the Road to Victory.

Fight Eaglets Fight………….

What mom?

Whaddya mean they’re not those kind of Eagles? Then what kind are they?

Sigh! “Birds of a feather” is confusing!

Dogs are dogs. Cats are cats. But eagles aren’t Eagles?!

I better stick with my own kind.

Happy Spring!

Love,

Pugsley

 

 

 

 

Who Are You Calling Crusty?

The gloves are off now!

Aunt Kelly sent me a present that she got from the Philly Pug & Short Nose Rescue. I LOVE getting presents. I was so excited……..until I opened it.

Aunt Kelly bought me a nose bomb. It’s for dry and crusty noses. Who’s dry and crusty? Does my nose look crusty to you?

Crusty Pugsley Closeup

And even if it is a little dry, why do I have to blow it up? That’s just WRONG!

Sticks and stones Aunt Kelly. STICKS AND STONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought we were friends Aunt Kelly! Friends don’t bomb their friends’ noses.

Look at the business card that came with it. Now I know ZACTLY how Rudolph feels.

Nose BalmI was so upset that I hid under my blanket. I had my nose under it until I realized that I couldn’t breathe. I guess that’s what it’ll be like if I blow up my nose with the nose bomb.

Hiding Face

Mom, why do I have to blow up my nose? It’s not crusty! It may be a little dry, but crusty – no way.

What mom?

That’s what I said, nose bomb.

What?

Bomb! Nose bomb!

Spell it.

B-A-L-M

Ohhhhhhhhh, nose BALM.

English is so hard. So many words sound alike. Why can’t everyone speak Dog?

Oh wait – the business card says it’s nose BUTTER. Now I’m a bagel! A dry crusty bagel!!!!!!! Maybe you’d like to put a schmear on my crusty bagel nose too Aunt Kelly? How would you like my nose toasted Aunt Kelly? And would you like lox, tomato and onion with that? Maybe some cucumber?

Maybe my nose wouldn’t be so short if you didn’t leave your sliding glass door where anybody could run full-speed head-first into it!

Besides, I prefer the technical term for it – smushy.

Well, now that I don’t have to bomb my nose and in honor of SNL’s 40th anniversary, “Nevermind!”

Love, Crusty, I mean Pugsley

Daycare Was So Much Fun!

Hi friends. I just arrived home from daycare. I started running from the second I arrived. My mom removed my harness so that she could take off my sweater (it was FREEZING COLD today) and I ran in circles all over the lobby.

I’m free, I’m free, I’m free, I’m dizzy!

Mom and Andrew,  who works at the Registration desk, corralled me and Andrew carried me to the play area.

Mom said I could stay for full – day daycare. I ran and played and made friends and then it was time for lunch. I love going to daycare. They feed me lunch and now I know what it is.

After lunch we all hung out until it was time to go back to the play area.

MORE PLAYTIME…..YIPPEEEEEE!!!!

We played tag, fetch, and chased each other’s tails. Sometimes we got belly rubs from the counselors and then we ran some more and zzzzzzzzz……

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I LOVE napping on mom’s shoulder!

Sign My Petition

Since I came to live with my mom, I’ve learned a lot about the democratic process. In order to effect change, voices must be heard. And I appointed myself as a change agent.

I watched the Westminster Kennel Club’s Show this week as I did the American Kennel Club’s Show in December and you know what? I’M BOYCOTTING BOTH SHOWS!.

My relatives are NEVER chosen, despite them being so darn adorable, intelligent and snuggly. This is the Westminster Breed Champion Pug Belaire’s Royal Comet. He didn’t place in the Group finals. Pugs never do!

pugBoo judges boo! Apparently you have to have long flowing hair and use lots of Aqua Net and blingy barrettes. We natural beauties are completely overlooked.

No offense to moms and dads of these breeds. I’m sure they’re wonderful members of your family. But just look at these high maintenance kids……..I’ll bet their moms are happy when they run around and dust the floor.

shihtzupekese

 

Wow, this kid’s butt must be cold. Tell your mom that it’s winter and you need some hair back there!

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Hey Poodle, haven’t you heard – big hair went out of style in the 80s?

Maybe I’ll ask my mom to take me for a makeover. I’ll need extensions and an updo.

Or maybe just a mop.

puli

I’ll bet this Puli’s friends talk to his butt a lot. My mom said he looks like a throw rug on a chair..

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This is Miss P. She won Best In Show at Westminster. Of course she did; she’s a Snoopy Dog and who doesn’t love Snoopy?

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Hello Miss P. I’m Sir P. At least Miss P. looks like a dog and not a cleaning appliance.

Natural beauties unite! I think every dog should show in his or her natural state. Put away your brushes and hair jewelry and let’s see what you really look like!

In solidarity,

Pugsley