Hi everybody. It’s me, Pugsley.
In preparation for the busy holiday season, I auditioned to be the face of the next Happy Honda Days TV campaign. I don’t like that Jan lady from Toyota. Who would you rather buy a car from Jan or me?
Mom took me to Main Line Honda where I met with Nino the Sales Manager. My mom’s friend John, her sales consultant, wasn’t in yet. I know he would have coached me. It was his loss since I don’t visit there much. Instead I met with Steve, another sales consultant, who gave me a few pointers and then I auditioned with Nino.
My interview went something like this:
“Happy Honda Days. Welcome to Main Line Honda. I’m Pugsley. How many cars are you going to take home today?
Oh the Odyssey is such a fun car. How many are there in your litter?
Five.plus the missus. Perfect. Leave your dog tag on my desk and I’ll pull the car to the entrance for a test drive around the neighborhood.”
20 minutes later
“I told you it was the bomb. Did you see the lady’s face at the drive-thru? Cackle. That was too much fun! You’ll love the touring edition with the DVD Ultrawide Rear Entertainment System with HDMI® Technology and High-Resolution WVGA (800×480) Screen. (How impressive am I?) And I’m guessing you’ll want a kayak attachment and the tent for camping by the lake. Oh and the best is that it comes standard with a Honda vac for easy cleanup of all the pesky Milk Bone crumbs.
Let’s see, with your accessories, that’ll be 46,000 Dentastix, 400 Milk Bones and 10 Snausages plus title, tags and destination charge. What color do you want? I’ll have it washed and wrapped up for you. Have a bowl of water while you wait. It’ll only take a few minutes.
What, you don’t want to pay more than 42,000 Dentastix? Trust me, you don’t want to go down a trim and lose the DVD player. Your kids will be sticking their heads out every window and barking at the other cars. Oy the noise!!!
Wait, don’t go. Let me talk to my sales manager and see what I can do.”
Uh oh this is not going well.
“Okay……..for 40,000 Dentastix, 4,000 Pup-Peroni and 500 Snausages you can drive it off the lot right now. Your wife will look lovely in the Dark Cherry Pearl with beige interior and it won’t show the kids’ fur. I’ll have it brought around.
It’s an amazing deal. I may buy two myself.
In fact, for an extra 26,000 Greenies I’ll throw in an Alabaster Silver Metallic Accord EX with the black interior, side underbody spoilers and a moonroof visor. I’ll bring them around for you. And I’ll throw in a cargo net to keep the toys from rolling around and squeaking. I just saved you nearly 2,000 Greenies and your wife will LOVE having her own car.”
Boom……..sold………two cars……and a whole new customer market. Let me know when the U-Haul with the currency arrives.
Some of the other sales consultants came by and wanted me to be Main Line Honda’s mascot. I’ll consider it if I don’t get the national campaign. Nino said Honda likes to get money for their cars. They’ll need to reconsider or else they’ll lose all my customers. He said I have a very persuasive face and he would send my photo to the Honda ad people and let me know if they like me. Like me? Seriously? What’s not to like? This is the face that’ll sell a gazillion cars. Honda will run out of cars to sell!
Just in case, I went on another interview at our neighborhood Wells Fargo bank. I met with Deyanna, whom I’ve visited many times to get doggie biscuits. I don’t know much about banking and I was sure I could figure out what I needed to know.
I sat in the chair across from her and the interview was going so well until I plopped my face in the lollypop bowl that was on her desk.
Apparently bankers like you to choose ONE from the bowl with your hands. No fair! I don’t have hands.
I can see that banking isn’t going to work out. I’ll just wait for the call from Honda. I hope Steven Spielberg directs me. I hear he’s pretty good. . And they better pay me a lot of Snausages!
By the way Nino, how much is my commission for the two cars I sold?
Until next time when I’m famous…..