Contrary to precedent and what you’re probably thinking, it’s not me!

Friends, let me tell you…..my mom is away at the US Army Heritage and Education Center in Carlisle, PA with her Vets Journey Home veterans and friends Robin Stauffer and Craig Williamson and videographer extraordinaire Mary Jude Szymanski. They’re conducting interviews and shooting video for Vets Journey Home – PA. MJ is donating her time and talent to help veterans heal the emotional wounds from their service. She’s awesome!!!!!

The one problem with this adventurous day is that MOM LEFT ME HOME ALONE!

She’s been gone at least a week so far. I’m fainting from hunger. I may have to eat the furniture soon!

I’ve been looking out the window yelling to passersby for help. I texted my neighbor Roscoe and asked him to bring me food. I don’t care that he eats cat food. Food is food! He didn’t respond. Maybe he’s on vacation.

Day 9

I’m bored. How much TV can I watch?

Mom keeps sending me emails and texts about her fun trip. That’s just mean!

Mr. Craig got a golf cart and drove them around the Army Heritage Trail. I would like to ride in a golf cart around the trail! Not that I was invited or anything.

The trail is a one-mile walking path of outdoor exhibits and markers on various eras in U.S. Army history.

There’s a replica American Revolutionary War redoubt from the 1781 Siege of Yorktown, cabins built to resemble those of French and Indian War and American Civil War encampments, several replica camp buildings from World War II, a Vietnam Firebase, (a temporary encampment to provide artillery fire support to infantry operating in areas beyond the normal range of fire support from their own base camps), a section of trenches from World War I with shell hole-marked no-man’s land, and a corresponding German pillbox. Why did the Germans wear such fancy hats? No wonder they lost the war. There are lots of tanks, cannons and a helicopter on the trail. If they flew in the helicopter I’m gonna be sooooo angry.

And here’s my Uncle Robin playing in the Guard House. It looks just like the one from Hogan’s Heroes. I wonder if he met Sgt. Schultz.

Then mom sent me these photos. Mom and MJ went parachuting. It’s my understanding that they landed in the trees. Serves them right.

And they fired sniper rifles at virtual targets. Mom said the rifle was so darn heavy. She was no Leroy Jethro Gibbs. In fact, they both sucked hee hee. Yes, I used a bad word. I don’t care. Did I mention that I’m left home alone? I’m wasting away! I can hardly type I’m so hungry. I must have lost 10 lbs. already.

Day 15

Mom just texted again and said they were driving around the Carlisle Barracks, home of the U.S. Army War College. Mom better not enroll. I don’t have any intention of doing her homework.

Wait….another text just came in. Now they’re going to Pheasant Field, Uncle Robin’s Bed and Breakfast. I stayed there last year. It was so beautiful. So now I guess mom is spending another night away. I’m totally going to poop on her pillow. If only I had the strength to climb the stairs to the bedroom. I’m so weak……..

More photos…..Uncle Robin and Aunt Kit added chickens to the household since I was there. How mean is it that my mom is texting me pictures of food when I’m in my present state of decline? They collected the eggs. I like eggs. An omelet sounds yummy right about now. Oh look how cute the chickens are.

Uncle Robin said that this girl keeps breaking out of the coop and wandering around the property. She must be looking for a rooster. They put an ankle bracelet around her leg to see if it was the same chicken who keeps getting out. It is so they named her House Arrest. Cackle. That’s funny.

Don’t play with the horses House Arrest. You won’t find a rooster boyfriend in the paddock.

The baby chickies are still under heat lamps because they don’t have many feathers yet. Uncle Robin said they got them as Peeps. I didn’t know that Peeps turned into real live chickies if you put them under heat lamps. I wonder what color they were. I’ll bet they were the purple ones. A purple marshmallow Peep would taste soooo good.

Down the street from Pheasant Field are a few farms. Mom stopped to look at the lambies and this one ran over to her to say hello. Yum…lamb chops. ACK! Stop texting food pictures mom!!!!.

After visiting with Aunt Kit and my doggie friend Rehab, mom and MJ went to dinner with my Auntie Rae.

Dinner. Boy I wish someone would come and give me dinner. I think it must be a month now since I last had dinner. I hope everyone is enjoying their dinners. I’ll just be here chewing on my paws.

Day 33

I just ran my paw across the kitchen counter. Nothing! I ate some bran cereal a few weeks ago because the TV commercial said I needed more fiber in my diet. How was I to know it would explode out of my colon? So now there’s nothing on the counter for me to eat. Bah! Go easy on the bran kids. You don’t have to eat half a bag at one time. I wouldn’t want another kid to have bran flakes shoot out of his butt. Projectile bran remnants do not make for a fun day.

Hold on; someone just texted me.

NO I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!

If you’ve met me then you know I don’t have to create stories. This stuff really happens to me. Just ask my mom……if she ever comes home.

Mom and MJ saw my friend Trixie and met her new boyfriend who lives down the street. Trixie said I’m too big to be her boyfriend because she’s a little 8 lb. girl. This guy is twice my size. What gives Trixie?

Auntie Rae sent me a photo. Sure, mom leaves me alone and cheats on me with another kid AGAIN. I have to admit that he’s a very handsome fella. I didn’t know that when mom said they played with the tanks, she was talking about a dog. Tank is quite a fitting name for this guy. He’s built just like one.

Tank, that’s some underbite you’re sporting. Maybe that’s what attracts the ladies. I’ll have to ask my dentist to help me become a lady magnet. That’s if I ever make it out of here.

Day 37

Sigh…….I wonder if mom’s ever coming home. I just butt dialed Auntie Rae’s phone. I heard her speaking and she couldn’t hear me. My voice must be too faint by now.

Day 43

I hear someone at the door. Help! I’m in here.

It’s my mom. She finally decided to come home. Talk to the paw mom; talk to the paw.

Oh hello. You finally decided to come home after a month and a half.

A fun DAY? You ask if I had a fun DAY?

Why yes, I had a fun DAY. I had a hilarious 43 DAYS!

What’s that I hear? It’s my food dish. Yay dinner! Ummmm……I’ll freeze her out after I eat. Oh yippee – she wants to take me for a walk. Okay, I’ll freeze her out after my exercise.

We’re back.

Oh, I’m sorry mom. Am I not snuggly enough for you? Maybe it’s because I wasted away for 43 days while you were playing soldier with your friends.

One day? What do you mean you were only gone one day? Someone in this family can’t tell time and it’s not me. The last time you left for 3 days you tried to convince me you were only gone 20 minutes.

I have witnesses and they’ll back me up. Maybe you should go to Switzerland and ask them to teach you to tell time. They’re the best in the world for their precision and innovation with timepieces you know.

That’ll be at least a 6 month trip. I better stockpile food and water.

Until next time –

Love, Pugsley