The gloves are off now!

Aunt Kelly sent me a present that she got from the Philly Pug & Short Nose Rescue. I LOVE getting presents. I was so excited……..until I opened it.

Aunt Kelly bought me a nose bomb. It’s for dry and crusty noses. Who’s dry and crusty? Does my nose look crusty to you?

And even if it is a little dry, why do I have to blow it up? That’s just WRONG!

Sticks and stones Aunt Kelly. STICKS AND STONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought we were friends Aunt Kelly! Friends don’t bomb their friends’ noses.

Look at the business card that came with it. Now I know ZACTLY how Rudolph feels.

I was so upset that I hid under my blanket. I had my nose under it until I realized that I couldn’t breathe. I guess that’s what it’ll be like if I blow up my nose with the nose bomb.

Mom, why do I have to blow up my nose? It’s not crusty! It may be a little dry, but crusty – no way.

What mom?

That’s what I said, nose bomb.

What?

Bomb! Nose bomb!

Spell it.

B-A-L-M

Ohhhhhhhhh, nose BALM.

English is so hard. So many words sound alike. Why can’t everyone speak Dog?

Oh wait – the business card says it’s nose BUTTER. Now I’m a bagel! A dry crusty bagel!!!!!!! Maybe you’d like to put a schmear on my crusty bagel nose too Aunt Kelly? How would you like my nose toasted Aunt Kelly? And would you like lox, tomato and onion with that? Maybe some cucumber?

Maybe my nose wouldn’t be so short if you didn’t leave your sliding glass door where anybody could run full-speed head-first into it!

Besides, I prefer the technical term for it – smushy.

Well, now that I don’t have to bomb my nose and in honor of SNL’s 40th anniversary, “Nevermind!”

Love, Crusty, I mean Pugsley